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Episode Description: 

We’ll cover easy rule #6 today to get started on keto for the easiest and fastest results.

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Podcast Transcription:

Carole Freeman:

Oh, hey! We’re live, everybody! Welcome to another episode of Keto Chat Live! Live! Live. Apparently I’m going through puberty. My voice is cracking now, so …

Simon Kaufman:

It happens to the best of us.

Carole Freeman:

Finally! Gosh, you know, it’s about time that I did that. Hey everyone, do you struggle with cravings on keto, sugar and sweets, and you’re not losing weight? Do you want to know the secret to ending cravings so that you can stick with keto for the maximum results? You should stick around, listen to this show. We’re going to tell you all about it. So, welcome, welcome to Keto Chat Live. I am your host Carole Freeman, board-certified keto nutrition specialist, and …

Simon Kaufman:

I’m Simon Kaufman, and I’m not certified in much of anything. Really.

Carole Freeman:

That’s it? Oh man. We’ve got people watching! We’ve got to impress them! They’re going to leave. Don’t leave, people! Simon’s great!

Simon Kaufman:

Don’t leave! I’ll get certified!

Carole Freeman:

Right now. You could take an online something, I’m sure, while we’re doing this show.

Simon Kaufman:

Okay. I’ll take an online something.

Carole Freeman:

Oh, we lost one. We lost one.

Simon Kaufman:

Really?

Carole Freeman:

Yeah.

Simon Kaufman:

Just because I’m not … I’ve got to get certified!

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. Just something, anything. I don’t know how they feel about this in the Jewish faith, but in Christian faith you could just be an ordained minister of anything you want! Just pay a fee online and you could be ordained in the Simonology, I don’t know.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah. You pay a fee, they’ll name something after you, but no, they’re not giving you anything.

Carole Freeman:

You could perform weddings!

Simon Kaufman:

Okay! Thank you for your belief in me. Keto wedding guy or whatever?

Carole Freeman:

I present this bacon and this burger, or this … Wait, that’s not … Butter on a burger? Wait, is that allowed for kosher? No, you can’t even have butter on a burger, right? Steak and broccoli.

Simon Kaufman:

You’re the worst rabbi ever.

Carole Freeman:

I know. I’m getting my rabbi certification taken away immediately [crosstalk 00:02:08].

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, you’re getting your rabbi card revoked.

Carole Freeman:

I would be over there with a little cheat sheet, looking through my book, being like, “Hold on, folks. Is this … Yeah, I don’t know what I’m doing. Nevermind.”

Simon Kaufman:

You don’t know what you’re doing.

Carole Freeman:

I don’t know what I’m doing.

Simon Kaufman:

It’s okay. Well, you know what? You know what else? This show is only meant … This is a medical disclaimer. This show is meant for educational entertainment purposes only. It’s not medical advice, it’s not Jewish rabbinical advice, nor is it intended to diagnose, treat, cure any conditions or circumcise you. If you have any medical conditions, illness, disease, or are taking any medications, please talk to your doctor, and if you need a circumcision, talk to someone qualified.

Carole Freeman:

What is the qualification to perform a circumcision?

Simon Kaufman:

A very steady hand.

Carole Freeman:

Really? Okay.

Simon Kaufman:

No, no. I don’t … Well, I mean, yes. I would think.

Carole Freeman:

Is that something—

Simon Kaufman:

You wouldn’t want a nervous twitch.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah, nobody on meth or too much Adderall to do your circumcision.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah.

Carole Freeman:

Is that something you can get certified online? Oh, hey, Nancy’s back! All right. Hey, Nancy!

Simon Kaufman:

What’s up, Nancy?

Carole Freeman:

Just in time to learn about what the qualifications are to get circumcised.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, I don’t know. I mean, it’s probably pretty rigorous, to be honest. You’ve probably got to go through a lot.

Carole Freeman:

You can study anything online these days. I bet there’s a YouTube video that shows you how to do it.

Simon Kaufman:

I really don’t think there would be, to be honest with you. I would assume there’s probably—

Carole Freeman:

No? Okay.

Simon Kaufman:

But we could look it up.

Carole Freeman:

Okay.

Simon Kaufman:

What if we did a live circumcision one day on Keto Chat Live, where we just—

Carole Freeman:

Well, we could do it like how to make sausage, right? Because you’ve, you know, got—

Simon Kaufman:

Oh, jeez.

Carole Freeman:

Oh, that’s good. That’s good. Do you want to see that?

Simon Kaufman:

Moving along here. Bringing you all the information you need.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. All right, question of the day is, do you use sweeteners in your keto life currently? Whoever’s watching, share with us, are you currently eating sweeteners, and do you struggle with cravings? That’s my question of the day. Hey, while you’re at it, just tell us where you’re joining us from; what state, country, continent, year, what year you’re joining us from.

Simon Kaufman:

Me?

Carole Freeman:

Yeah, what year are you in, Simon?

Simon Kaufman:

I don’t even know.

Carole Freeman:

It looks like [crosstalk 00:04:41].

Simon Kaufman:

I feel like I’m stuck in high school. I’m in an alley. I’m in a brick alley.

Carole Freeman:

Brick alley. If it’s a Seattle brick alley, I’m guessing it doesn’t smell that great. It either smells like restaurant garbage or urine.

Simon Kaufman:

I did pee earlier, but I’m good for now.

Carole Freeman:

Okay. All right, just, this is all about the hard-hitting keto stuff, so hey, thanks for being here! Oh, we’ve got some more people watching too, so tell us where you’re joining us from, join the conversation here. We’re here to answer questions. Simon, what’s been happening personally for you?

Simon Kaufman:

Really excited, got a big show coming up. I’m doing my first headlining set since the plague swept through, and I haven’t really had … I’ve done two sets in the last 13, 14 months, and so this will be the first time I get a chance to headline in Monroe, Washington at 5:00 p.m., so that’ll be exciting. And, yeah, going on the road. Going to be doing some Las Vegas, going to South Carolina. Yeah.

Carole Freeman:

Wow, cool! Do you have a tour van? Do you have a big bus that you take when you go on the road?

Simon Kaufman:

No, I’m going to fly.

Carole Freeman:

Oh, private jet! Got it! You’re fancy, okay.

Simon Kaufman:

No, listen, all jokes aside, I would love to get a huge van and put a mattress in the back and tour around. That would be so fun.

Carole Freeman:

But that, you know, we’re talking about comedy here—

Simon Kaufman:

Women would love me. I’d be like, “Want to come back to my van?” But, no, actually I did that in Hawaii. I rented a van that had a mattress in the back and just toured around. [crosstalk 00:06:21].

Carole Freeman:

Oh, a rented mattress. That doesn’t sound like a … I would … Rented mattress.

Simon Kaufman:

What?

Carole Freeman:

Well, I mean …

Simon Kaufman:

Well, you go to a hotel, you’re renting a mattress. What’s the difference?

Carole Freeman:

All right, you’re right. Good point.

Simon Kaufman:

Thank you.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. Now suddenly I’m going to travel with my own mattress cover wherever I go, so …

Simon Kaufman:

Stop mattress shaming me. It’s just like, I can’t believe you would do that. Don’t you understand that—

Carole Freeman:

Well, yeah. I mean, you’re right, because actually, my mattress I have is 20-some years old and people think that’s … I don’t know, it’s comfortable though. Why would I want to throw away a perfectly good mattress that’s just got 20 years’ worth of—

Simon Kaufman:

Exactly. Yeah. I’ve seen some of the people you let sleep on your mattress. I wouldn’t … No, I’m joking.

Carole Freeman:

Mostly my cats.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah.

Carole Freeman:

We just got a heart for some reason. Oh, look at Nancy with the hard-hitting jab there. Monroe, you hit it big time.

Simon Kaufman:

Oh, huge! It’s going to be huge. Yeah, we’re getting paid in syringes and needles. It’s going to be great. No, I’m excited. It’ll be fun. Whatever.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah, Monroe is like the hub—

Simon Kaufman:

Mecca?

Carole Freeman:

Yeah, the hub [crosstalk 00:07:32]

Simon Kaufman:

The new Jerusalem?

Carole Freeman:

Well, I don’t know about that, but it’s the hub to Eastern Washington.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah!

Carole Freeman:

The hub to the Cascades.

Simon Kaufman:

The Bethlehem of the Northwest? No?

Carole Freeman:

It’s like the Denver of Washington. You know how Denver’s like this airport hub for all these different …

Simon Kaufman:

Okay.

Carole Freeman:

All right, all right. Yeah, that’s [crosstalk 00:07:54].

Simon Kaufman:

Let’s put that on a shirt.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah.

Simon Kaufman:

No, but it’ll be good though. It’s going to be a bar show. Everyone’s going to be drunk and rowdy and … Yeah, they’re going to be rowdy. They’re going to be drunk and rowdy and yelling things and [crosstalk 00:08:05].

Carole Freeman:

Drowdy.

Simon Kaufman:

Kind of fun. A lot of fun.

Carole Freeman:

Nice. Well, congrats.

Simon Kaufman:

Fun for the whole family.

Carole Freeman:

So, you said you performed twice in the last 13 months, so you’re going to be fresh and …

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah.

Carole Freeman:

The nice thing is, crowds are just so eager to get out of the house now that they’re just like, “Anything! Entertain us, please! Dance! Dance, please!”

Simon Kaufman:

I don’t know what I’m walking into. This sounds like a total bar show where it’s just, I don’t know, there’s going to be someone riding a mechanical bull. I don’t know what I’m walking … But I’ve done two 10-minute sets, so this will be my first full-on long, probably do an hour or something, 45 minutes, hour, I don’t know. I’ll find out when I get there. It’s going to be a lot of fun.

Carole Freeman:

No problem. Awesome. Excellent. Personally for me, let’s see, just enjoying the … The weather’s turning to summer here in Phoenix. You know, it’s kind of always summer, but you know, high 80s, 90s this weekend. It’s kind of boring, the weather, really here. I don’t know what else to update. Not too much exciting.

Simon Kaufman:

Okay.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. That’s boring. Sorry, I should’ve had more prepared. Maybe we could talk about a news article or something that might be more interesting.

Simon Kaufman:

Why don’t we do that?

Carole Freeman:

Well, this time … and we take turns. You’ll find some random article, pop click-baity article or something like that. Today I’ve got one to share that is from the Strength and Conditioning Journal.

Simon Kaufman:

Ooh!

Carole Freeman:

And this was an article that was published in … Where’s the date here? February 2010. I’ll put the article link right here in the … Oops! Oh, I keep doing … All right. I hit the wrong copy/paste thing. All right, I’m going to put it in the notes here, in the comments anyways.

Carole Freeman:

So, this is an article about low-carb diets promote a more favorable body composition than low-fat diets. The end. There’s the end of the story. So, basically this article’s looking at, they had people that … The goal was fat loss, body loss, but they also were looking at retaining muscle mass.

Simon Kaufman:

I hope it’s not body loss. You kind of need that.

Carole Freeman:

Body loss? Yeah. Body fat loss versus muscle mass retention.

Simon Kaufman:

Oh, okay.

Carole Freeman:

Did I say that wrong? Okay. Now I’m going to lose my certification now because—

Simon Kaufman:

I know, and your body. [crosstalk 00:10:37].

Carole Freeman:

I’m promoting body loss.

Simon Kaufman:

Low-carb diets promote a more favorable body composition than low-fat diets. Doesn’t everybody know that already?

Carole Freeman:

No! There’s arguments that it doesn’t matter, right? There is something about being in ketosis that protects our muscle mass, and so people will lose greater … Let’s say the scale goes down the same amount through calorie restriction; if you’re following low-carb ketogenic macros, you’re going to lose more fat and less muscle than you would if you’re eating the same number of calories on a low-fat calorie-restricted diet.

Simon Kaufman:

Okay.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. And that’s good! That’s good.

Simon Kaufman:

That’s good!

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. We want to retain as much muscle as possible, because that’s metabolically active, but also the greater muscle mass we have, the older we get, the more protective that is for a lot of reasons. Plus, then you get to look swole, you know?

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, because it’s summer in Phoenix. You get to hang by the pool and look buff.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah, so just have some butter and a beef stick by the pool.

Simon Kaufman:

Call it a day. Yeah. Call it a day.

Carole Freeman:

That’s what I do. That’s what I do.

Simon Kaufman:

That’s what you do? “That’s what I do.” That’s good. That’s what Carole does, so that’s great.

Carole Freeman:

That’s what I do.

Simon Kaufman:

Okay.

Carole Freeman:

That’s what I do. It’s difficult though. When it’s 90 degrees out, the butter, it’s a little different than it is in Seattle, it’s a liquid, so I just dip my beef stick in the butter, and then I put a little bit on my skin—

Simon Kaufman:

You’re joking.

Carole Freeman:

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Simon Kaufman:

Oh, okay, thank God.

Carole Freeman:

I don’t have butter by the pool.

Simon Kaufman:

Okay, thank God. Like, “God, you know, she seems nice, but do we really want to invite her back?”

Carole Freeman:

A lot of people don’t like being outside, and so a lot of times I get the pool mostly to myself. It’s great.

Simon Kaufman:

Great.

Carole Freeman:

All right, well, that’s that article.

Simon Kaufman:

That was an article.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. You ready to get into easy rule number six?

Simon Kaufman:

Please.

Carole Freeman:

Let’s try to get some excitement up here.

Simon Kaufman:

What is easy rule number six?

Carole Freeman:

So, if you all are just tuning in, this is part six of a 10-part series we’re doing, The 10 Rules To Follow To Get Started On Keto, Or Restarted, For Maximum Results, and maximum fat loss, retaining more muscle, but also, I consider results the quality of the life that you’re having. One of those things is freedom from cravings, and it is so much easier to stick with any eating plan if you’re not craving things that are off the eating plan.

Carole Freeman:

Be definition, keto is a low-carb diet; we’re avoiding sugars. But a lot of people, the route that most people go is that they actually try to find all of the replacement sugar, so, keto-friendly sweeteners and desserts and fat bombs, and they feel like that’s the way to cope with their cravings for high-carb foods, is to have replacement food so that when they have a craving they can just have a keto dessert or something else.

Carole Freeman:

But this is a big trap, it’s a big pitfall, so rule number six is to avoid sweeteners for at least 30 days; all of them. Nothing sweet beverages, no sweeteners in your coffee, no sweet electrolyte drinks. This includes Stevia, erythritol, any sweetener of any kind—

Simon Kaufman:

Okay, what about this stuff? See this?

Carole Freeman:

I like it’s just like a plug that you just happen to have.

Simon Kaufman:

No, because I brought this because I use this. It’s sugar-free ketchup. It tastes actually really good.

Carole Freeman:

So, that, I think, has a place in long-term keto, but this, in this 10 Rules To Follow, just to get started … And again, I’ve been doing this work with—

Simon Kaufman:

Okay, but sucralose is the last ingredient. It’s not even the first ingredient, it’s the last. If it’s the last ingredient in there, that means there’s less of it than anything else, so that’s okay?

Carole Freeman:

Well, I’m going to give a phrase. I did a retreat with my clients this weekend, a virtual retreat, and somebody said this phrase … Actually, it was one of our … It doesn’t matter. Anyways, this phrase, she said, “The long road is the short way,” meaning when people are trying to take shortcuts to get to their destination faster, it actually, you get lost and it takes you longer than if you just took the original path.

Simon Kaufman:

And I’m actually not looking for shortcuts, I just want ketchup. So what do I do?

Carole Freeman:

I’ll explain a little bit more of what’s going on and why we crave sweet, and why it’s best to avoid it for 30 days. Now, I’m not saying you can never have sweeteners ever again, but the desire to have ketchup is because your brain is trained to crave sweet stuff.

Simon Kaufman:

Now, is this 30 days in a row, or just at some point throughout the year you want to do 30 days with no sweeteners?

Carole Freeman:

Great question. It does need to be consecutive. That’s the recommendation.

Simon Kaufman:

Wow. Okay.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah, because I would bet if you tried not to do it consecutively, it would be harder, because which 30 days of the rest of your life are you going to pick?

Simon Kaufman:

The ones at the end.

Carole Freeman:

The ones when you’re in the ground, huh?

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah. The end of life. I’m just going to go to the end and do it then.

Carole Freeman:

Well, you’ll probably be in ketosis then, so, yeah.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah.

Carole Freeman:

Exactly. So, that product, people search things out like that. They think, “This is the way I’m going to be able to stick with this. I want to find these replacement things. I love ketchup.” And in fact, I grew up in a household where my mom, bless her heart, she just never learned to cook, and my dad didn’t like anything that had any flavor in it, so when I grew up, whatever came out of the kitchen … My mom would always make dinner for us, but it was so bland that we had to add something to it at the dinner table to make it edible, so my two favorite seasonings when I was growing up were sugar and ketchup. That’s all we had, and it was like … So, the reason we like ketchup is because it’s very sweet and it’s also vinegary, which can help digest protein, so that’s often why we like ketchup on protein-rich foods.

Carole Freeman:

Now, the challenge with this … I’ll tell a little story to illustrate what’s going on and why avoiding them for at least 30 days will help you get so much further ahead than trying to find these replacements, which again is the normal [crosstalk 00:17:17].

Simon Kaufman:

Does this story involve your mother’s cooking?

Carole Freeman:

No, it’s a story about raccoons.

Simon Kaufman:

She cooked raccoons?

Carole Freeman:

Not that I … No, I’m 100% sure she did not.

Simon Kaufman:

I mean, I know you’re from the country, Carole, but I didn’t know you were that country.

Carole Freeman:

My dad cooked a slug in the microwave once, but we didn’t have to eat it, so—

Simon Kaufman:

Why?

Carole Freeman:

Just to watch it boil.

Simon Kaufman:

Ugh!

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. And then he had to clean it out—

Simon Kaufman:

Fond memories! Fond memories of the … And did you use the microwave after?

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. Yeah.

Simon Kaufman:

[crosstalk 00:17:53] slug juice or … Oh, jeez. [crosstalk 00:17:55].

Carole Freeman:

I mean, I’m old enough that our family didn’t—

Simon Kaufman:

This went to a really dark place.

Carole Freeman:

I mean, I’ve had escargot and it’s delicious. I hear that … Oh, great, we’re losing viewers now. That’s it. Okay. If the circumcisions weren’t bad enough at the beginning, okay, boiling a slug in the microwave is where we lost them. Okay.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, right? Yeah. [crosstalk 00:18:17].

Carole Freeman:

I didn’t do it, folks! I didn’t do it! It was my dad!

Simon Kaufman:

Sure.

Carole Freeman:

He was gross, it was gross. Yeah, it was very gross.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah. Blame it on your parents.

Carole Freeman:

My family, we couldn’t afford to buy a microwave. That’s how old I am. This was brand new technology and my aunt bought one and brought it over, and it was about the size of half of the refrigerator—

Simon Kaufman:

Just brought it over? She would just bring it with her places? Just like, “Hey, I brought a microwave!” And your dad’s like, “Hey, I’ve got a slug!”

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. He just thought that would be cool. This was new technology then, and that was the first thing he thought was, “Well, I don’t want to make popcorn. Let’s put a slug in here and see what happens.”

Simon Kaufman:

He’s like an Elon Musk just in the way he just embraces new technology. That’s great.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. Yes. He was a Oregonian experimenter, you know? Nothing was going to stand in his way of seeing what would happen.

Simon Kaufman:

Great!

Carole Freeman:

Okay, no, she didn’t cook a raccoon, and my dad did cook a slug, but that’s not what this story’s about.

Carole Freeman:

When I bought my first condo, it was a very small complex, and I’m standing up on my balcony the first night. It’s dark and I’m looking out over a common green area that … all the condos faced back-to-back to each other … and I’m just proud of myself, enjoying the nice summer temperatures out there, and all of a sudden I see this pack of beady eyes running across the greenway down below. Thankfully I’m on the second floor so I’m not too scared of what’s happening, but I’m also like, “Oh my god, what did I just get myself into moving here that a pack of some wild animal is going to come running through every night?”

Carole Freeman:

And I look down and I can see my neighbor down below. She opens up her screen door and she’s got a baking sheet, several of them she’s taking out full of cat food, and putting it out on her patio, and all these raccoons are running up and just eating it.

Simon Kaufman:

Whoa!

Carole Freeman:

20, 30, 40 of them, I don’t know, maybe 100. There was a lot of them.

Simon Kaufman:

Oh my gosh!

Carole Freeman:

And I yell at her, and I’m thinking, “Why the hell is she feeding these raccoons? They’re just going to keep coming back. What an idiot,” right?

Simon Kaufman:

What an idiot! Get the microwave!

Carole Freeman:

Yeah! I’m like, “What are you doing?” And she says, “Well, I can’t not feed them anymore. One night there was one, and it looked so hungry. It was scratching at the door, so I just put some food out for it. And the next night there were two, and then there were five, and now they come every night at exactly the same time and they will shred my screen door unless I feed them. So now I have to feed them every single night or they torment me.”

Simon Kaufman:

Oh my gosh.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. So, the moral of this story is, don’t feed your raccoons in your brain. Cravings are just like raccoons.

Simon Kaufman:

Yes.

Carole Freeman:

If you have a craving and you give yourself something sweet, it reinforces. This is the way that the brain works. And it tells its little craving friends to come back tomorrow at exactly the same time, the same situation, and crave more. So then you feed it again, and the next day it comes back more intense. This is the pattern of cravings and the way our brain works, is that we think that we’re coping with our cravings. If we have a craving and we have something sweet, we think that’s what made it go away, but all you’ve done is actually give your brain a Scooby snack, a reward, and said, “Good job. Crave again. Crave more.” So what happens with a 30-day reset, a vacation from sweeteners for 30 days … vacation from it doesn’t sound like such a torturous thing than, “You can’t have [crosstalk 00:22:04].”

Simon Kaufman:

Everyone loves a vacation!

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. Just go to Hawaii, where they don’t have sweeteners … No, that’s not true.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, that’s not true.

Carole Freeman:

If you just take a vacation from it for 30 days and then you bring it back in, it actually gets rid of cravings. So, maybe for the first three days, maybe somebody out there has heard of something like, if you’re trying to kick a habit or some kind of craving or drug habit or something like that, the first three days are the hardest, so you might notice that …

Carole Freeman:

For example, my friend … No, not my friend, but my neighbor that was feeding all the raccoons, the way to get them to no longer come was to stop feeding them, but for the first three days, if she stopped feeding those raccoons, they would probably scratch the outside of her house down. They would probably try to climb up. They might try to attack her neighbors or something like that.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah.

Carole Freeman:

But after a few days, they would stop coming if she stopped feeding them. Same thing happens with our cravings, and it actually makes your life so much more peaceful and calm and just the quality of life is so much better. I’ve worked with a ton of people that, when they start with me, they’re just like, “I am a sugar-aholic. I’m a carb addict. I can’t go without the sweetener in my coffee. I can’t not have desserts. I’ve got to have keto ice cream on hand, otherwise the cravings are insatiable, and I have to have them,” and they doubt that this will work, and every one of them, after they do the 30-day break, they’re just like, “This is the first time in my life I don’t crave sugars, and it’s so freeing,” because it’s miserable when you have cravings, because you have to fix them all the time. You’re always needing something on hand to get rid of the craving. But when you have no cravings, it’s really easy, because then it’s a choice whether you have sugar-free ketchup or you don’t instead of a compulsion that you have to have it.

Simon Kaufman:

That’s a good one, yeah.

Carole Freeman:

And also, your taste buds will rearrange. This is physiology that happens. When you stop having sweet touching your tongue, your body actually will rearrange. It will make more taste buds that are savory-tasting, sensing, than the sweet ones. The good news for that means that after you take this 30-day sweetener vacation, is that when you taste sweet later on, a tiny little bit goes a really long way. The things that tasted sweet to you before will be disgustingly sweet because there’s less sweet taste buds on your tongue and you prefer things that are less sweet. And so then, things that are sweet, you need a lot less sweetener in them. You’ll need a little bit of ketchup instead of maybe a quarter cup of ketchup or something like that.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, it’s like your tolerance when you quit drinking and then you have one drink, and …

Carole Freeman:

Yeah, exactly. So, you reduce your sweet tolerance basically, yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Simon Kaufman:

Okay, so no sweets, and just, you could just drink for a month straight.

Carole Freeman:

Well, next week we’re going to be talking about alcohol, so …

Simon Kaufman:

Oh, we are.

Carole Freeman:

Water, sparkling water, all those flavored, there’s a ton of them on the market now. You could drink—

Simon Kaufman:

Oh, don’t drink those?

Carole Freeman:

No, you can!

Simon Kaufman:

Oh, you can.

Carole Freeman:

But no sweeteners, so unsweetened flavored sparkling waters, yeah.

Simon Kaufman:

Got it. Got it.

Carole Freeman:

And there are so many flavors of those on the market right now, you could have a different one every day for the next 30 days and not even have the same kind, so you’re going to be fine.

Simon Kaufman:

We should do that.

Carole Freeman:

All right.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, no, they’re pretty good. I like them.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah.

Simon Kaufman:

Some people don’t. I do.

Carole Freeman:

I’ve got six flavors of them in my fridge right now probably, so …

Simon Kaufman:

Wow, you’re tempting me to swing on by. Hang out, have a nice expensive sparkling water.

Carole Freeman:

It’s only a 27-hour drive or something, right?

Simon Kaufman:

I don’t know. [crosstalk 00:25:39].

Carole Freeman:

I don’t know, I didn’t do it all in one day. I took four days to drive down here, so I don’t know.

Simon Kaufman:

Did you? [crosstalk 00:25:44].

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. Well, anybody listening, watching, any ah-ha’s? Any questions? We’re going to do the 30-day challenge. Oh, that reminds me, we didn’t check in about your Simon Wants A Present challenge for the tracking.

Simon Kaufman:

Well, now you’ve convinced me. I think I’m just going to do a Drink A LaCroix challenge.

Carole Freeman:

Okay.

Simon Kaufman:

I think I’m up for that.

Carole Freeman:

Okay. Drink a LaCroix, like, just one a day?

Simon Kaufman:

Drink a LaCroix every day.

Carole Freeman:

Would you—

Simon Kaufman:

Commitment. Dedication.

Carole Freeman:

Would you track it? You could track it on a Post-It note; just give a hash mark. Or a wall.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah. I’ll track it and I’ll leave the can out on the counter so you can really see the difference.

Carole Freeman:

There you go. Yeah, yeah. Like 99 bottles of beer on the wall, you get 99 bottles of empty LaCroix on the wall. Uh-oh, Nancy forgot to track.

Simon Kaufman:

Oi.

Carole Freeman:

I guess her little present partner, they didn’t follow through. I think it was Catherine last week, so … All right, the present partnership didn’t work. Oh, boo.

Simon Kaufman:

Didn’t get to track, and she forgot to remember.

Carole Freeman:

You know, that’s the first step. It’s a challenge.

Simon Kaufman:

Okay.

Carole Freeman:

All right, we got—

Simon Kaufman:

No, no, no, I’m feeling good. I’m doing good.

Carole Freeman:

We got a heart and a laughing face this time. I always have the goal that I want to get all the reactions on one episode, so we’re two-fifths of the way there.

Simon Kaufman:

We’re two-fifths. We’re two-fifths.

Carole Freeman:

Two-fifths. Two-fifths. I mean, I don’t want an angry face, but … maybe angry face about that lady feeding all those raccoons.

Simon Kaufman:

Killing slugs, innocent slugs that did nothing, no harm?

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. Oh yeah.

Simon Kaufman:

Actually, I don’t think they’re good for your garden, are they?

Carole Freeman:

No, they like to eat your things, eat the little baby leaves in your garden. They love to eat those.

Simon Kaufman:

[crosstalk 00:27:33].

Carole Freeman:

They don’t really have slugs here, Arizona. When I grew up in Oregon, every night they would come out, and I didn’t know, but we were trained you put salt on them, and that’s horrible.

Simon Kaufman:

Oh, that’s gross. That’s horrible.

Carole Freeman:

I think that’s worse than microwave.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, I mean, in Oregon, I was in Portland, I saw slugs in skinny jeans riding bicycles. They’re all over the place.

Carole Freeman:

Those little antennas sticking out, right?

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. You know, I think back and the microwave seemed torturous, but I think it would’ve been a quicker death than being salted to death.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah.

Simon Kaufman:

Wow.

Carole Freeman:

I’m sorry, slugs, all that I’ve …

Simon Kaufman:

Now PETA’s going to come out against us.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. They don’t care that we’re eating steak and bacon, they just are mad about the slug torture we’re talking about.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah. [crosstalk 00:28:20], “And they purposely killed a slug. Slugs are people, too.”

Carole Freeman:

It was my dad. I’m not even going to mention his name so they can’t go after him. But he still lives in Oregon, so, narrows it down.

Simon Kaufman:

You’re out of the will.

Carole Freeman:

Oh, drown them in beer. Yeah, that was another one. You make a beer trap and the slugs fall in. Apparently they like to drink beer, and they get drunk and then they drown.

Simon Kaufman:

Am I a slug?

Carole Freeman:

I don’t know. Here’s a test: put a little kiddie pool of beer in your back yard, and if you fall in and drown to death, you’ll know.

Simon Kaufman:

I like beer! Maybe I’m a slug!

Carole Freeman:

Maybe you should put yourself in the microwave and see what happens.

Simon Kaufman:

Been there, done that. Okay.

Carole Freeman:

Anyone have any questions for us today?

Simon Kaufman:

Any questions for Carole the Great?

Carole Freeman:

Or, you know, Simon the …

Simon Kaufman:

The Decent.

Carole Freeman:

The Simple? Simon the—

Simon Kaufman:

Carole the Great, Simon the Decent.

Carole Freeman:

Simon the Not-A-Horrible-Human-Being.

Simon Kaufman:

Simon the Okay. He’s the best we’ve got. What are you going to do?

Carole Freeman:

Everyone else was booked, so we got Simon.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah.

Carole Freeman:

Is that how you got that gig in Monroe?

Simon Kaufman:

Just a booker contacted me.

Carole Freeman:

Oh. Oh, well, here’s a personal—

Simon Kaufman:

I’m ready to get back out there, man. I’m ready to get back out there. I really am, so …

Carole Freeman:

Here’s a personal update I forgot to share, is that this Saturday I’m on a show with Camilla Cleese, who is the daughter of John Cleese.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, I’ve performed with her one time in LA. She’s really tall. She’s tall like him, if I remember correctly.

Carole Freeman:

Very tall, very thin. I saw her, she was the host of a show I went and watched. Cory Michaelis was featuring at Stir Crazy and she was the host of that show, and so I saw her there, and when I saw she’s on the show I’m on on Saturday, I was like, “Oh, how fun!”

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, I did a show with her in LA that had her and Richard Pryor’s son on the same show.

Carole Freeman:

Oh!

Simon Kaufman:

And my dad’s son was on that show.

Carole Freeman:

I was going to say, “And famous …”

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, no, I remember that. Yeah.

Carole Freeman:

Okay, cool.

Simon Kaufman:

She’s funny. I remember her being pretty funny, actually.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. Yeah.

Simon Kaufman:

And he’s amazing. He’s the best, dude.

Carole Freeman:

I don’t know who that is, but—

Simon Kaufman:

John Cleese.

Carole Freeman:

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, a few weeks ago they co-headlined a show at House of Comedy here, so John Cleese and … Apparently he’s still alive. I didn’t know that, but—

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah.

Carole Freeman:

I grew up watching, my dad was a huge fan of Monty Python, so maybe he’ll do just a drop-in. That would be pretty awesome.

Simon Kaufman:

That would be great.

Carole Freeman:

“‘Tis a flesh wound.”

Simon Kaufman:

Your dad, or John Cleese?

Carole Freeman:

My dad won’t be coming down, but [crosstalk 00:31:08].

Simon Kaufman:

Your dad shows up, we’re like, “Get him away from the microwave!”

Carole Freeman:

Oh my gosh. He brings his portable microwave with him.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, right?

Carole Freeman:

He put it in his coat. All right. Yeah. All right, any of our viewers have any keto questions? Anything at all. Well, anything about sweeteners, any ah-ha. I can also tell the analogy of how sweeteners are like Scooby snacks for our brain. Do you ever watch Scooby Doo, Simon?

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, but Scooby snacks are good, Carole, so that’s a bad analogy.

Carole Freeman:

Well, but they always got Scooby to do something he didn’t want to do by bribing him with a Scooby snack. And so the way that our brain learns is through dopamine. A lot of people think of dopamine as the feel-good chemical, but it actually, it’s our training chemical in our brain. If we do something that promotes the survival of our species, we get dopamine hits in our brain and that’s what trains our brain to keep doing that more. So, sweet things give a dopamine reward, and our brain is pretty amazing, so it remembers the thing, but it also remembers exactly where you were when you had that thing.

Carole Freeman:

It was designed to … Imagine we live out in cave land, we don’t have street signs or GPS or anything like that, and we were just walking as we were trying to go kill the wildebeest, and we found a honeycomb or something, the brain would remember where it was and how to get there and the time of day and the time of year and all that kind of stuff. That’s what helped it learn so that you could find it again.

Carole Freeman:

The problem is, now that we live in a world where there’s sugar and sweets and honeycombs everywhere we look, and we don’t need that reward to get us to do that. But it’s also what causes cravings. So, if you’re in the same place, the same environment that you used that thing before … Let’s say you ate ketchup every night at 5:00, sitting on your couch after you got off work.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah.

Carole Freeman:

Your brain memorizes all of that. It memorizes the time of the day, where you sat on the couch, how you were feeling, and before you even start to eat the ketchup, if you just sat down on a couch, it’s 5:00, the place you always use the ketchup, and you’re in the same mood, you’re stressed out from your day, you will start to crave ketchup. It’s because dopamine starts to kick in just because you’re in that same environment, so it’s kind of like it’s remembering where the honeycomb was, and so you start getting this craving for it because it’s here, it’s got to be here, it’s got to be here. So, that’s part of what drives a craving, is your brain remembering you using this thing before that got the dopamine hit. It’s just like a Scooby snack. “Hey, Scoob, you want to do something you don’t want? You get a Scooby snack.” So, it’s a reward system in your brain that trains us how to do things.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, it’s true, because when I go to the movie theaters, I always want to get popcorn, but it’s not like I’m sitting around like, “I want some buttered popcorn,” but when I go to a movie theater, in my head it’s all about the popcorn.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. That’s one of the things I work with my clients on, is sometimes they’ve got those situational cravings that come up, and they’re like, “Okay, this feels so intense. How do I navigate that?” There’s a lot of different strategies around that. It could be that you take a different snack with you to the movie, and so you take a bag of little meat sticks or cheese cubes or something like that with you, and you still eat that [crosstalk 00:34:39].

Simon Kaufman:

I would never condone sneaking food into a movie theater, because everybody knows that’s against the rules. Don’t do that. [crosstalk 00:34:47].

Carole Freeman:

That’s also something my dad did, too.

Simon Kaufman:

Your dad brought cocaine to the movies?

Carole Freeman:

No, not cocaine, candy!

Simon Kaufman:

Oh.

Carole Freeman:

That was our family cocaine was candy.

Simon Kaufman:

I know, I’m just—

Carole Freeman:

He had a very puffy vest with lots of pockets in it, and it just looked like he had gained a few pounds in the middle, but it was all the candy he would take in because that was cheaper than …

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah. Then he gained a few pounds in the middle from all the candy.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah, after he ate it. Just changed the location. It was inside of him instead of in his coat.

Simon Kaufman:

All right. Love it.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. Yeah.

Simon Kaufman:

Okay.

Carole Freeman:

So, Scooby snacks. Watch out for the Scooby snacks, watch out for the raccoons. Don’t feed the raccoons.

Simon Kaufman:

Okay, so just to recap; no sweeteners for 30 days except for ketchup. Is that what we agreed upon?

Carole Freeman:

If you want to take the long way, the really long way, with all the shortcuts … Again, we’re presenting the 10 rules. This is what I’ve found, the last six years of doing this, work with my clients—

Simon Kaufman:

Well, who wants to go the long way without ketchup, if you’re really being honest about it? It’s not—

Carole Freeman:

Really? Is that the one thing you would miss the most, is ketchup?

Simon Kaufman:

Maybe, I don’t know.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. Well, again, these are the 10 rules that I’ve found that when my clients follow these … and I’ve been working with people for six years now … I find when they follow all 10 rules exactly as they’re outlined, they get really great results. They get really low cravings—

Simon Kaufman:

Moses said the same thing. Moses, when he came down the mountain, he said, “Follow these 10 rules—”

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. Okay. Ten Commandments.

Simon Kaufman:

“And you’re going to be good.”

Carole Freeman:

Well, you know, just like those may be outdated now, these someday may be outdated as well too, so maybe 2000 years from now—

Simon Kaufman:

“Don’t murder people,” is outdated? Is that what you’re telling me?

Carole Freeman:

I said some of those!

Simon Kaufman:

Name one.

Carole Freeman:

I don’t know if I can name 10 of them. Is it okay to covet your neighbor’s wife?

Simon Kaufman:

Is it? You tell me. What have you been up to? I would say no, but …

Carole Freeman:

She’s kind of cute. She’s kind of cute. I don’t know.

Simon Kaufman:

Hey, you know, I would say no, but anyways. Okay.

Carole Freeman:

So, you’re saying it’s bad to put a slug in a microwave. Did Moses talk about that?

Simon Kaufman:

No, that’s some real special Oregonian stuff that … yeah.

Carole Freeman:

Well, yeah, we have different commandments in Oregon. That is true.

Simon Kaufman:

That’s true.

Carole Freeman:

Thou shalt teach your daughters to shoot a .22 before they’re 12 years old. You learn to drive a car in your yard before you learn to drive it on the street.

Simon Kaufman:

That’s good.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah.

Simon Kaufman:

Okay. And don’t covet your neighbor’s wife. Okay, this is great. What else? Okay, so, no sweeteners for 30 days, and then what about next week? What have we got going next week?

Carole Freeman:

Next week we’re going to talk about keto and alcohol. I’m going to tell you—

Simon Kaufman:

Sounds fun!

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. I mean, we could make it an imbibing show, too. Do people want to have—

Simon Kaufman:

I’m down!

Carole Freeman:

A drink-along and then I’ll tell you why you should avoid it for 30 days as well?

Simon Kaufman:

What do you mean? Avoid what?

Carole Freeman:

Well, alcohol. So, I’m going to explain … Again, these are the 10 rules to get started, and we’re going to talk next week—

Simon Kaufman:

Avoid alcohol?

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. I don’t want to spoil [crosstalk 00:38:00].

Simon Kaufman:

I’m not going to be able to make it next week. I don’t know if I mentioned that. I think I might have a dentist appointment or something.

Carole Freeman:

Oh boy, okay.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, I have to get my toenails polished. I don’t fucking know, anything. I’ve got to get a pedicure.

Carole Freeman:

I might have your present for you, Simon. What was it, a [crosstalk 00:38:16].

Simon Kaufman:

Oh, you’re going to buy me a pedicure or whatever?

Carole Freeman:

A Denali you wanted?

Simon Kaufman:

I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it. I have a hair salon appointment.

Carole Freeman:

Well, that’s good—

Simon Kaufman:

But enjoy yourself.

Carole Freeman:

Wait, are you saying if we drink on the show, that you’re not going to show up? Is that what you’re saying?

Simon Kaufman:

I don’t know what I’m saying anymore, Carole.

Carole Freeman:

Okay. You just don’t want to even talk about alcohol and keto. You’d rather stick your head in the sand and avoid the topic altogether.

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah, I just, the science, and I doubt that you’re not supposed to cut out alcohol, because science and stuff.

Carole Freeman:

Well, again, this is a short period of time. You’re going to take a vacation from alcohol. And again, like all these, this is perfect because every one of these things I’ve brought up, you’ve got the objections which are the normal objections, and so my job on the episode is to explain the why behind the rule, and then you’re going to decide whether you want the best results or you want less-than-best results.

Simon Kaufman:

Okay. Well, good, at least I can decide.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah.

Simon Kaufman:

So, subscribe to the show, people. YouTube, subscribe to that. We’ve got episodes coming out every week. We’re blowing up. We’re bombing slugs.

Carole Freeman:

That’s true. We’re talking about—

Simon Kaufman:

We’re doing it.

Carole Freeman:

Rabbinical law, right?

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah. Yes, we’re giving our take on the Ten Commandments, all that kind of stuff. It’s going to be fantastic.

Carole Freeman:

You know, this is the place. Where else are you going to find the hard-hitting tips like meat sticks and butter by the pool? You’re not going to find that kind of advice anywhere else.

Simon Kaufman:

Speaking of tips, we covered circumcision in this episode.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. Yeah. Oh boy. All right.

Simon Kaufman:

All right, okay.

Carole Freeman:

Well, you know, and the main message of this episode was about rule number six, which … why avoiding sweeteners for the first 30 days of your keto journey is not only going to end your cravings, but help you get greater weight loss, fat loss.

Simon Kaufman:

And that I can do. That I’m going to do. I’m doing that. I’m going to avoid all sweets.

Carole Freeman:

And then that line that GL Hughes or whatever that line of stuff is, he’s got great products, so—

Simon Kaufman:

Oh, they’re so good. They taste great.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah.

Simon Kaufman:

No, his stuff tastes great.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. So take 30 days off of them, and then you’ll eat even less of them too, because those, they still have some carbs and you have to be mindful of your portion size. The good thing of taking a vacation from the sweets is that a lot less of it will be all that you need to get the same flavor.

Simon Kaufman:

So you know him then?

Carole Freeman:

I don’t know him. I’m familiar with his products, but—

Simon Kaufman:

You’ve never coveted his wife. Okay, good. Well, that’s good to know. All right.

Carole Freeman:

Is he still alive? I wonder. We could get him on as an interview. That would be fun.

Simon Kaufman:

I think so. He looks [crosstalk 00:41:05].

Carole Freeman:

I seem to remember, does it say on the package too that he created this line because he had diabetes or something? Is that the story? DL Hughley? Is that his name?

Simon Kaufman:

No, it’s not DL Hughley, it’s GU … I don’t know what it … I don’t know.

Carole Freeman:

Yeah. Anyways, doesn’t matter. All right.

Simon Kaufman:

Okay.

Carole Freeman:

Well, any last questions, comments, folks? I think that wraps us up for this episode.

Simon Kaufman:

Join us!

Carole Freeman:

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, hit the bell, and select All Notifications. You don’t want just some of the notifications, you want to know about all of these.

Simon Kaufman:

You don’t just want some, you want them all.

Carole Freeman:

You want them all. Give it to me, all. All of it. All of it.

Simon Kaufman:

Fuck yeah. Oh, excuse my language.

Carole Freeman:

Be greedy. Oh, wait, that’s one of the Ten Commandments, don’t be greedy, right?

Simon Kaufman:

No, that’s not one of them.

Carole Freeman:

Greed! Oh, that’s the seven deadly sins?

Simon Kaufman:

That’s the seven deadly sins, which were [crosstalk 00:41:53].

Carole Freeman:

Oh my gosh, I’m confusing those. Okay.

Simon Kaufman:

We’ll cover that next episode.

Carole Freeman:

Okay. All right. Alcohol; one of the seven deadly sins, right?

Simon Kaufman:

I think it’s the six deadly sins. They had a re-vote.

Carole Freeman:

Okay. Is that a Brad Pitt—

Simon Kaufman:

Well, I don’t think alcohol is one of them. Gluttony is one of them.

Carole Freeman:

Oh, okay. So, gluttony just covers any and all things we put in our body, so …

Simon Kaufman:

Yeah. I don’t know. We’ll have to figure it out.

Carole Freeman:

But be gluttonous with the notifications on the YouTube channel.

Simon Kaufman:

Be a notification glutton.

Carole Freeman:

Yes, that’s what we want you to do. [crosstalk 00:42:29] notification gluttony.

Simon Kaufman:

Yes.

Carole Freeman:

All right.

Simon Kaufman:

We condone gluttony for notifications. Okay, well this was fun. Thank you, Carole. I always have a good time laughing with you, cracking jokes, learning about stuff.

Carole Freeman:

Thanks, everyone, for watching and listening. We may have actually a special episode next week. We don’t know all the details yet. Well, wait, not next week, next month, but more will be coming soon.

Simon Kaufman:

Special.

Carole Freeman:

Special.

Simon Kaufman:

All right, love you guys. Bye.

Carole Freeman:

All right. Bye! Thanks for watching!

Notes: